Wednesday, 30 September 2009

Way Back When

Time is ceasing to function,
Days are double their past length,
The road trip’s incomplete.
The hourglass has a leak,
Fuck this,
My memory is weak,
The mind is losing strength,
And way back then is merely
In rearview mirrors, reflections bleak.

I reckon that I should probably have been studying instead of writing this, but days are long and I just need a break... One last test to go....
I decided to write a poem, but it's strange that you always return to the same dark place, that you sort of think you feel was done with but know isn't, quite, not all the time. There's just places you can save yourself the visit to, or have to to keep on going.

(Oh, and the poem-- maybe not my best-- actually looks like a sandclock when you centre it, i thought that was cool) (although tacky).

Update: I centred it anyway.

Tuesday, 29 September 2009

UK Personal Statement: unrevised.

My Mind is a tabula rassa, fill it.

Medicine is, to tell the truth, only a recent dream for me. After 17 years of wandering the globe, as I was born in Egypt to diplomat parents and proceeded to live in Argentina (my father’s homeland), Syria, Argentina again and finally Spain (my mother’s homeland), I finally opted for this course. I cannot state precisely how it happened.
My sciences always have been strong, but the arts always did seem to interest me more. I’ve always been an apt artist, and though lately I don’t have the time to draw or paint I do still show an interest for film photography. I’ve also always been an avid reader of classics and try to write on occasion. My mother has always feared that I would pursue something within those parameters, possibly film.
Yet I also have always been a top student in Biology, Chemistry and Physics, though I might say that the last interests me the least. In Biology, however, I did attend the National Olympics in Rio Cuarto, Cordoba, and my team ended up eighth place. The following year I was requested for a second participation, but could not go due to scholastic and family issues. This time the team arrived at first place. The experience of travelling there one year and preparing to do so the next, however, were wonderful and helped me grow as a person.
I consider Argentina the point in my life where I transitioned from a spoiled child who had lived among the wealthiest Syrian children to a better-rounded individual, a time where I developed my cultural and emotional knowledge. It was at this time when I took an interest in old movies, and when my scientific base was established. It was a time of excess hormones, a time of extreme poles that had to be resolved in order to get to what I now am. However, it was also a time in which I thought it was pretty clear I would not be choosing any career related to the sciences.
Then I moved to Barcelona. It always had been a childhood dream to live in Spain, my mother’s homeland, in which we spent all our summers (though, I must say, in the south). I did not want to move. Leaving Argentina was the final step in becoming who I know am, the future Med-student.
I guess the change is too recent to analyse just yet. Maybe someday I shall realise what the precise instant was, but for sure one of the factors had to do with me realising the humanitarian aspect of science is, and I do think it is found in the art of medicine. I would like to thank my best friend Maria, as I believe it was through her that I found this. She has dreamt of being a pediatrician all her life, and seeing the passion in her and her determination to reach her dreams definitely were an inspiration to me, to say the least, and also did help me see the human side of medicine I once did not.
Certainly one of my strengths is dealing with and understanding people, and though I do this in a unique way and do sometimes need some space to understand myself, through medicine and in University in the UK I will be able to establish bonds with various people and help them out through their rough times, as they will help me learn also, be it friends, professors, or future patients and co-workers.
It is strange that through the writing of this essay (and though this sounds cliché, I promise I intend nothing of the sort) I have actually found the reason why I want to go through the long process of studying and practise to one day become a doctor. After all these years (and paragraphs) of arts, sciences, family, friends, and finding oneself, I have realised that life is my passion, and that through medicine I know I can find the perfect way to channel my energy into helping others and becoming a better professional myself. Though I will not give up my other passions, or live with one hand tied behind my back, I shall take this path to find happiness, somewhere.

Note: The first page was intended as a stupid joke I wasn’t even gonna print out, but I think I’ll send it in too... Just to show that learning can come anytime, anyplace.

Monday, 28 September 2009

5 - College

Update: I finished my personal statement for the UK!!! I got quite inspired, so I shall post the unedited version here tomorrow, but we shall see what Ms. Young changes.

Saturday, 26 September 2009

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Mercy, Mercè.

Hello, Upper East Siders.

Haha, just kidding.

Tomorrow is the eve before la Mercè, Barcelona's patron saint's day ( if that made any sense), which is a school holiday. Clearly, this ensues a party. So, with an asian dinner and the traditional forum reunion at hand, and with the whole senior class attending as a group, will things get interesting? Let's hope so.

I'm sorry I'm a little late,
I got your message, by the way.
I'm calling in sick today,
So let's go out, for old time's sake...
- The Noisettes, Never Forget You

Thursday, 17 September 2009

On the Road (Again)

Ripples in the upside-down lake of the void, is what I should have said. The bottom of the world is gold and the world is upside down.
-Jack Kerouac, On the Road

Monday, 14 September 2009

Facebook stati (statuses).

Maria Bernaus is very very excited about Gossip Girl tonight
37 minutes ago · Comment · Like / Unlike
You and Cecilia Winter like this.

Erica Moore: YAYY!!
same here im like ahhh hahaha
28 minutes ago

Helena Martinez: gossip girl? what channel? the cw?
28 minutes ago

Felipe Alvarez De Toledo: hahaahha
24 minutes ago · Delete

Maria Bernaus: yes at 9. who are you helena martinez?
13 minutes ago

Felipe Alvarez De Toledo: it is I, in my alter-ego form.
8 minutes ago · Delete

Felipe Alvarez De Toledo: (please note i'm kidding)
8 minutes ago · Delete

Helena Martinez: eings? who is who? I'm lost. I don't know u, at least as far as I know, I was just wondering after seeing your status
5 minutes ago

Sunday, 13 September 2009

Thursday, 10 September 2009

A feeling of...

It seems that as an international kid you always leave things behind, leave things halfway, be it friendships, schools, or leaving things unspoken. I've already switched from IB to the Spanish 'selectividad', leaving this halfway without even changing countries, let alone classrooms and hallways. I feel a complete sense of unaccomplishment with everything I do, and it is my mother that has made me realise this is what's been bugging me about the program change I am facing.
On monday I start.
So now, I've just left behind 1 year of intense work that had so far worked out great, and I'd gotten really good scores on my IB assessments. Yet I chickened out before the end. Is this something I shall be doing all my life?
On the other hand, I didn't really have much of a choice. I was faced with going on with IB, finishing the knowledge I was acquiring through my classes with the teachers I loved, or giving up the dream of doing Medicine. (You see, the IB conversion to Spanish grades is shit, and there is no way possible I'd have gotten into the course with IB, seeing as a 40, a high grade, translates to an 8.6 or less, and also I just couldn't keep up with the extra work I had to do plus the IB assignments). So do I really face no-choice situations in life and just feel guilty about something I had no say in? I just feel that it's always the same cycle, and I've never stopped it. I shall always continue to be afraid of commitment and carrying things out and actually saying (or explicitly feeling) 'I miss you' or 'I will miss you' or 'You're an amazing friend'.
It feels like on that topic I just steer away from emotion and normally face people completely cold-- well, let me clarify. I like listening to people, I like getting to understand them and I think I do this with a variety of people and not for any social motives, but just because I can. On the other hand, I do this without getting attached to them, or most of them, and just see it as a normal moment. When I do get attached to someone, I either fail to realise until it's too late or I fail to say it, no matter how much I try. I want to get out of that fear but so far have not been able to.
As for IB, I guess I really didn't have a choice. There's tons of things I want to do in life, and Medicine is one of them, and it brings me stability and the strength to move on (as one can see with my IB grades). But then why don't I feel satisfied with this answer? Mother's probably right, yet will this spiral ever end?
On the other hand, I can view Medicine as the big picture that I haven't given up on or left behind, and I am looking forward to the lifestyle of selectividad. But I'm still pretty uneasy...

Tuesday, 8 September 2009

Just letting you all know I'm alive

(This isn't even up on youtube, and was filmed in one shot)

Please do read my post below and comment on either.


At the moment it seems like I shall be leaving IB. Truth is, the International Baccalaureate grew on me, and I was doing really well in my classes, besides enjoying them. I'm actually going to miss the teachers and wanted to learn everything there was to learn, especially in Econ and Psych. But the time has come to talk of many things, of shoes, and ships, and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings, and why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings...

I'm kind of shell-shocked here. But I've known this for a long time, and I couldn't keep up with the strenuous pace of the IB and try to prepare myself for medicine and all it required that my choice in the IB didn't offer. I suppose I'm making the right decision. (And if I'm not?)

I'm going to miss Math Standard, with Ms. Rowland's stories, which are going to be replaced by Ms. Puyuelo (however one spells that) and her voice.

Should I indeed change? Oh wow, this is just bizarre.

Wednesday, 2 September 2009

Tuesday, 1 September 2009


"Summer days are supposed to be longer, but they sure seem short to ME. "
"I'll say, we didn't get to do half our itinerary."